you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
