I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
