I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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