before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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