you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize