Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
