I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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