I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
