Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
