He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
