He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
