his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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