i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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