Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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