did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
