i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
from now on my penis is your penis
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
