So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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