hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
