I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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