Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think my moral compass just broke
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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