Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
