just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
