I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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