he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
