Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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