opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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