The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
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