Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
God, I missed his penis.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
