I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
