I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
