didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
