I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
