id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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