Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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