You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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