i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
