I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
