Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
