Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
