Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
