your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
