my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
