is your mom at the bar?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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