i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she looked like the before picture.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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