I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize