Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
try to milk me bitch
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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