Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
