Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
