We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize