physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
