"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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