walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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