I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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