I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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