There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
