he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
