I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
this is an emotional support booty call
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
