If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
