do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
