the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
