How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
