An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
