All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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