the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
