you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
