I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
