I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
