She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
