Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
