I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
