I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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